Ice Cream, Blackmail, and Flirts, Oh My!
by EE's Skysong
Summary: The Acolyte boys and their respective love interests bump into each other at the park. Titlerelated chaos ensues. Romy, Kiotr, and Jonda, but it's really just flirting. R&R!


Disclaimer: "Talking's good. Talking's great. We hate painting."

(An: Random Kiotr/Romy/Jonda inspired by hyperness, the desire to do Jonda, and Nine to Five, which everyone should go read. NOW! Oh, and because Di told me to do a Kiotr. -bows-)

"And, therefore, goats must be inherently funny!" (1) John cried, finishing his rant. He and the other two teenage Acolytes were strolling through the park, venting some steam.

Remy and Piotr cracked up.

"Oh, _Dieu,_ crazy does not even _begin_ to describe y', _mon ami_," Remy said, leaning against a tree.

"There is a flaw in that logic somewhere," Piotr gasped, "but I would have to able to breathe to point it out."

"There are no flaws in my logic," John objected. "And you know why?"

"Oh, no," Remy moaned, facepalming.

"BECAUSE I AM ALL-POWERFUL!" John shrieked, doing his wonderful evil laughter.

"Oh. Really. I didn't know that," commented a dubious voice from somewhere in front of them.

John's evil laughter stopped as quickly as if someone had slit his throat. He stumbled. "Oh. Hi."

Wanda Maximoff stepped out in front of them, arms crossed and smirking slightly.

In the background, Remy started snickering again and even Pete had a hint of a grin.

John regained his composure and slung an arm around Wanda's shoulder. She gave said arm the evil eye but John payed her no mind. "Soooo... your mate Rogue 'round here, by any chance?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact she's getting ice cream," Wanda said, suddenly picking up on why he was asking as Remy blanched.

"Ooh! Kitty?"

"Had to drag her along," Wanda said, making a face. "She would've been all by her lonesome with Beast in the mansion otherwise. She threatened to phase Rogue's stuff in the walls if she didn't let her come."

"I think I shall go home now," Piotr said, making an about face.

"Oh no y' don't," Remy demurred. "If I have t' do it, y' have t' do it."

"We could both run home as fast as we could right now," Piotr suggested. "At least one of us would escape..."

"It's tempting, but, no," Remy said, dragging Pete back over to Wanda and John.

Speaking of the duo, they were both wearing identical nasty grins.

"Ah think Ah just lost mah appetite," Rogue growled, having just walked over with Kitty bearing ice cream.

"Does that mean I can have yours?" John asked.

"NO!" both of the other Acolytes yelled, too horrified at the prospect of giving John sugar to be embarrassed about the objects of their affections.

"Aw, come on, please?" John begged, doing his best puppy-Aussie eyes.

Rogue frowned down at her mint chip cone, then smirked. "No, this has a much better place to go," she said. She strolled over to the needless-to-say-stunned Cajun, ran her empty hand down his chest, then stuck the ice cream cone in his hair.

"GAH!" Remy cried. "Coldcoldcoldcold!" He scrambled to wrench the frosty goodness from his perfect locks.

John, Wanda, Kitty, and Piotr all burst out laughing.

Remy frowned, and then smiled reassuringly at Rogue, the remnants of the cone in one hand. "Ah, it's nice to see such a _belle femme_ in dis shithole town. Thanks for de ice cream. I think it's yours though." And with that he stuck the hand with the ice cream on her shirt, wiping it off and copping a feel at the same time. He was smart enough to back off very quickly and tried to hide behind Piotr.

"Oh no, you are not using me as a shield, not after what happened last time," Piotr protested, going over by Wanda.

"_MERDE_!" Remy ran off, the extremely pissed Rogue chasing after him threatening horrible and probably impossible forms of torture.

"Waste of perfectly good ice cream, if you ask me," John said, shaking his head. "Can I have some of yours?" he inquired as Kitty finally got around to giving Wanda her cone.

"I'll take my cues from him," Wanda said, pointing at Piotr, who was shaking his head and waving his hands fervently.

"Well, then, can I stare intently and watch you while you eat it?" John pleaded, a lecherous grin lighting up his features.

Wanda shoved him off. "NO! Perv."

"No, Remy's the pervert," John said, as Remy finished the loop and came booking past them, running for all he was worth.

All four heads turned in tandem, following Rogue as she dashed past, still screaming threats.

"It's amazing how she can keep up that pace _and_ that tone of voice," Piotr commented.

"Yeah..." Kitty agreed. "Hey, you want some ice cream?"

"Will Rogue kill Remy while I am gone?"

"Mmm... like, maybe, but she'd have to catch him first."

"It is just that I would like to be able to take pictures."

"Nobody ever mentioned you were, like, evil!"

"I am not evil. That is too graphic. I simply have a deep-rooted love of blackmail that doesn't involve me. Especially when it involves Remy."

Kitty giggled. "Don't, like, worry, I'll get Wanda to do it." She tapped the Goth.

Wanda looked up from her ice cream. John didn't look up from staring at her, though. "Yes?"

"Can you, like, take pictures when Rogue starts beating the crap out of Remy for Piotr?" she asked, offering her the Polaroid.

"You can have copies," Piotr added.

Wanda grinned very, very evilly and grabbed the camera. "My pleasure."

"Come on, Piotr," Kitty said, dragging away the love-sick Russian. His only coherent thought was _She said my name right._

"What're you guys doing here, anyway?" Wanda inquired of John.

"We were bored," John said, making a face. "Very bored. 'Nuff said... why're _you_ out here?"

"Five more minutes with the Brotherhood and I would've done something stupid... or justified, in their case."

"Again, 'nuff said."

_**"SWAMP RAT!"**_

"Just keep runnin', mate," John advised.

"Ah'm-gonna-kill-you!" Rogue screech-panted.

"Should we help him?" Wanda asked.

"...Duh."

"Just thought I'd make sure you were okay with your friend getting ripped to shreds."

"You've got the camera, right?"

Wanda held up the Polaroid. "Of course."

"Then 'sall good."

Wanda and John were now sporting identically evil grins.

Meanwhile, over at the ice cream shop, Piotr was gazing up at the flavors list. "...How many _are_ there?"

"103," said the bored-looking attendant.

Piotr's left eye twitched.

Kitty, noting this, said, "Uh, like, he'll just have a vanilla-chocolate twist," she said, flashing both him and the attendant her best Angelic Smile.

"_Thank_ you," Piotr said, after they'd exited.

"Like, no problem," Kitty replied, beaming at him.

"Ugh. English letters make my head spin," Piotr added.

They returned to their spot in the park to see John and Wanda in absolute hysterics.

"What happened?" Piotr asked.

"Remy- he-" John gasped, breathless. "Oh- God- go look!"

"Rogue caught him!" Wanda cried, between gasps for air.

"Uh-oh..." Kitty and Piotr said in unison (unlike John and Wanda they were actually concerned about their respective teammates, as opposed to taking pleasure in their pain).

"They're over there," John said, somewhat normally and pointing before collapsing again.

Kitty and Pete quickly headed in that direction.

Somehow (don't ask) Rogue had managed to hogtie Remy from the highest branch of a very tall tree overlooking Bavyille Bay. "I'm gonna be sick," Remy mumbled. He looked positively green.

"That's whatcha get- coppin' a feel, damn-" here Rogue called Remy something very, _very_ rude that is generally unrepeatable, "-_and_ shovin' ice cream on mah favorite shirt!"

Remy, nauseous though he was, still made a witty (but, under the circumstances, stupid) retort. "How can y' tell it's your favorite? Your shirts all look de same!"

"And just _how_ would ya know what mah shirts all look like?"

Remy, despite his position, managed a wicked smirk.

Rogue, in response, gave the tree a good hard kick. This, needless to say, made Remy's branch shake. A lot.

"Oh, _Dieu_," Remy moaned.

"That's right, yah'd better pray! If you add Creole-flavored barf to the ice cream on mah shirt, Ah swear Ah'll-" here Rogue made a gesture that was just as rude as the name she'd called him.

"So den stop shakin' de damn tree!" Remy begged, looking truly penitent.

Rogue ignored him, choosing to lean against it instead as Wanda snapped pictures. "It's a love-hate relationship," she said, to the horrified Piotr and Kitty. "Mostly hate."

"Get me down,_ plait_!" Remy cried. "Before m' gumbo comes back up!"

"Rogue..." Kitty said, tapping her foot. "Like, let the poor guy down. I do _not_ want permanent stains on my shirt!"

Rogue rolled her eyes and pulled something. Remy came tumbling down, yelling all the way, landing very hard in a bush. "Ow..."

"You deserved it," Rogue responded.

"De pain, de pain!"

"Lemme see those pics," Rogue said, snatching at the shots.

"These aren't as good as the ones we took that time we dyed Sabes's fur," (2) John lamented, flipping through them. "But, then again, Remy's a lot easier to blackmail."

"I will not be susceptible t' your attempts t' humiliate me!" Remy cried. "I'll kill you... as soon as I can move."

"Poor, poor swamp rat," Rogue said, shaking her head. "Ah almost feel sorry for him."

"Y' say almost because y' are a cold, unfeeling _putain_," Remy responded, finally getting up and brushing himself off. He looked very battered.

"Aw, sweetie, Ah didn't know ya cared," Rogue said, looking positively flattered.

"You two are messed up," John said, pausing from his inspection.

"So says de all-powerful dude," Remy replied.

"Yeah, well, at least me and Wanda don't go around kicking the shit out of each other and calling it flirting! ...not usually, anyway..."

"Gimme those," Remy said, grabbing at the pictures.

"NO!" John cried, laughing maniacally and dashing off.

"Pyscho," Wanda muttered.

"Which one?" Rogue quipped.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Wanda muttered.

"Release him back into the wild?" (3)

"Maybe horrible, kinky, naughty things?" John suggested, pausing in trying to climb a tree and get out of Remy's reach.

However, that five-second pause was enough for Gambit, who flicked out his bo staff and gave John a good hard smack on the head.

"Don't kill him, okay?" Wanda yelled. "Nobody should have to die a virgin."

"Ew..." said Remy, glancing down at John as if he were something dirty (it's not as if he wasn't dirty, since he **was** on the ground; more in the metaphorical sense).

"She's lying!" John cried hastily.

Wanda just put on a "nope" smirk.

"Give me de pictures and y' don't die," Remy said, poking the prone John. "Bein' a virgin is bad enough."

"I AM NOT A VIRGIN!"

"Methinks the Aussie doth protest too much," said Piotr quietly.

All three girls cracked up.

"Pictures. Now."

"Can I stand up?"

Remy backed off, rolling his eyes.

"Here," John muttered. He pulled out the pictures and reluctantly handed them over.

Remy blew them up, a very satisfied smirk on his face.

"Ok. So now we've had ice cream, insulted each other a plethora of times, and attempted blackmail," said Wanda, ticking things off on her fingers. "What're we forgetting?"

"Making out?" Remy suggested hopefully, sidling up to Rogue.

"In case you've forgotten," said the mentioned Goth, in a tone that was far too quiet to be safe, "there's the whole no-touchy thing going on." She backed up and held up index and middle fingers as if warding him off. "Noooo touchy. No touch." (4)

Remy ignored the reference, flipped her shirt over her face, and they started making out.

"Oh. Damn. I thought it was **our** turn," John lamented.

"What d'you mean **our**?" Wanda demanded.

"You know what?" Kitty said. "I think it'd be a good time to go home now."

"Why?" Piotr asked. "It's not even nine!"

"Yeah, well, it'll take, like, two hours to walk home," Kitty moaned.

"I could give you a ride," John pointed out.

"Thanks, but I like my body the shape it is," Kitty responded. "C'mon Pete, you can walk me home."

Piotr looked pleased about that (even though he was clearly wondering how he got talked into it).

"We're taking the Jeep," Wanda informed John, grabbing his hand and starting to drag him off.

"But what about blackmail pics?"

"Wouldn't work. Rogue'd kill us and Remy'd probably ask for wallet prints."

"Good point."

In the background, Remy and Rogue had yet to come up for air...

(Eh, yeah, crappy ending, but, well, yeah. That was fun. If you liked this, why not go read Nine to Five? It's under my favorites list... -dangles- Review!)

(1) Quote from Goldylokz's other Acolyte fic, "Moseyin' Along", which is a one-shot, that, if you don't want to slog through the seventeen (excellent) chappies of Nine to Five, will give you a taste of the randomness and Romyness, if not the pop culture refs.

(2) A reference to Nine to Five, in which John dyes Sabes's fur with Kool-aid. A.K.A. Sabes's Technicolor Dreamcoat.

(3) Yep, 'nother Nine to Five ref.

(4) Um. Duh. Emperor's New Groove.


End file.
